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Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.