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People will do odd things to get even.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.