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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.