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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.