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Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...