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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.