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real eyes realize real lies
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.