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I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?