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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
After I die, there are some people Iām going to haunt the sh!t out of.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.