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Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.