Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?