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Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."