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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
I’m bored enough to clean.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.