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You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.