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Jesus is coming.... look busy
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.