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Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car