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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the β€œbad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
You are here: X
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.