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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.