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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused