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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.