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Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.