Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
When in doubt, take a nap.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.