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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!