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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.