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A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.