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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...