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Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time