Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
My inner self is in Photoshop
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.