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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.