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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.