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And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative