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So many rules; so little time to break them.
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween