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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I forgot to post this earlier
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
I hate when the remote is way over there
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.