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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.