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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?