Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session