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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
It`s no fun if you have permission.