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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
This patience thing takes forever.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie