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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.