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A wise man, will often say nothing
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.