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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point