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If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
This headache feels like dumb people
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
If people could read my mind, Iād get punched in the face a lot.
This century is already 15% over.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.