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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.