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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.