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If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!