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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers