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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.