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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.