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There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.