Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.