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If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.