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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.