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According to my nipples, summer is over
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.