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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
How`d this get posted?
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...