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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.