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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.