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Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?