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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.