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Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today